Hey guys. I’m back. Not that anyone reads my stuff. At least not live. It’s been a rough quarter. For my GPA, not for me… I’ve been slacking off the whole quarter—actually, I’ve been slacking off my whole life. I finally started reading Atomic Habits, the workbook version my dad got for me for Christmas. I’ve gotten past the first step; coming to terms with the fact that significantly changing my behavior will take significant effort. I’ve got a lot of bad habits I want gone for good, and a lot of projects that get 2 seconds of thought at the beginning and then get washed into the ether. I’ve spend the day planning out the beginning of my spring break, and I’ve got a busy itinerary. I hope that this structure I’ve set for myself can help me stay on track.
I’m at the engineering building right now, with Emily on my left, Cooper to my right, and Everett at my front. I just finished telling my girlfriend that she doesn’t seem like she’s good at writing. She told me that it hurt for me to say. I asked whether she ever practices (as I would be unoffended if someone told me I was bad at something I don’t spend time on), and she said no. Recently, I told Luke that honestly without kindness is cruelty. I still agree with myself and think that what I said was unnecessarily cruel. What’s the point of being nice if you are ever mean. What’s the point of being mean if you’re nice. I think also that kindness without honesty is manipulation. These gifts I have gotten for her, are they a mask –a safety net–for if I act out of line?
She started looking over so I lost my train of thought. I switched to G-Daddy’s online journal archives. The way he writes and the meticulousness of his descriptions are something to aspire to. He most definitely doesn’t go into his inner thoughts like I do. I wonder if he had a private journal no one saw.